I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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