Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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