I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont even know how to be here
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
