I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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