Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
