he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
