Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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