glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize