i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize