I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
