I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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