I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
