im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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