please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Vodka?
Forever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
