Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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