He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize