Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
