what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
