Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
