My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
