Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
