this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
