i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize