I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
