Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
