Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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