I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
