Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
