can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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