i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
