I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
