sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
