Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
