I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
