When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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