i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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