look no pants
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
