fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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