Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
