my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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