i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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