This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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