you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
