his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
