Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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