My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
