i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
