If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
