Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
