my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
