there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So. Much. Porn.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
