You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
