the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize