its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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