Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
