yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
