Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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