I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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