he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
