We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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