i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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