What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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