why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
