whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize