yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
