I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
