Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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