I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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