If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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