dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
