your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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